


Autobiography of Commander Rai Shepard

by Ginger_tango



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-08-21 17:22:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16580807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ginger_tango/pseuds/Ginger_tango
Summary: The following chapters are all based on my playthrough of the Mass Effect Original Trilogy video games and all the playable DLCs and extended cut ending. I played a ginger-haired female Shepard, played a mostly Paragon character, Earth born orphan, War Hero, Soldier, had an ongoing relationship in all 3 games with Liara T'soni through the Shadow Broker Lair DLC for Mass Effect 2, Wrex lived in 1, saved Grunt in 2, saved the Rachni Queen both times, everyone survived the suicide mission in 2 except Mordin Solus, cured the genophage, united the Quarians and the Geth...EMS at end of 4300+...





	1. Surviving Ground Zero

Autobiography of Commander Rai Shepard  
Chapter One: Surviving Ground Zero by Ginger~tango

I've decided I should start this endeavor where most people seem intent on taking me when first I meet them since that day. Of course I'm speaking of the day the Reapers were destroyed, the day when, by all accounts, I should have died.

So many have questions, the most common being 'How did you survive the initial pulse from the Crucible when you were at ground zero?'.

That's the question I think I've been asked most my entire life long, by those who don't already know me. Well, not exactly, but something usually along those lines. Also, in this case, the devastation nearest ground zero is no secret. Everyone in the galaxy knows how badly the citadel was damaged. Yet somehow, I managed to be found amongst the rubble, barely breathing, a mess, but alive.

To be perfectly honest, looking back, every time I've survived against insane odds, except this last, my answer would have boiled down to 'Will'.

My knack for survival and 'getting the job done' despite seemingly impossible odds could be said to come from my will to survive, my will to do the things I say I will, my will to do the things I feel need to be done.

I'm speaking of my lone victories of course. I've been blessed by having so many good people by my side that they deserve much more credit than they ever give themselves. I've been praised for so much that wasn't my success alone and I plan to address those times later.

I can admit with certainty that the pain I experienced from being at ground zero would have been enough to surpass the strength of my will. No, I needed something substantially more in order to force myself to move forward in this lifetime. I needed 'Reason'.

I made a promise to my love, my partner, my bondmate, Dr Liara T'soni. She had already mourned my death once, a story for another chapter. Then, when I returned to her, I promised that if I knew she were mine and had her love to return to, that I would.

Honestly, I didn't think I would be able to keep that promise when we were making the final push to the transport beam that would allow us to reach the Citadel. Harbinger, the Reaper 'leader', was there cutting through our ranks, disintegrating organic life within the direct path of its crimson neon laser weapon while demolishing everything else. Lieutenant James Vega, Dr Liara T'soni and I were running toward the beam the Reapers were using to transport human 'material', dead and alive, up to the Citadel in orbit over London, England. They were following my lead as we raced down the hillside, zigging and zagging to keep from Harbinger's weapon path. I kept thinking, 'just keep running, we're almost there, we can make it'. Suddenly, not 500 yards from the beam, one of our few remaining ground vehicles was struck by Harbinger and it came tumbling through the air at me. No sooner did I jump out of its path, I watched helplessly as it continued past me toward my squad. They somehow managed to follow mostly in the wake of my luck, but not before Liara was toppled and knocked nearly senseless. I knew beyond doubt that if I were to see her die that I wouldn't care if I lived past whatever I had to do to destroy the Reapers. Honestly, I couldn't guarantee that I would have cared to continue the fight at all.

Knowing that I couldn't handle watching Liara die, I called for an emergency evacuation from the Normandy as soon as I had her up and behind some cover. When Joker arrived I handed her care over to Lieutenant Vega as we hobbled to the lowered cargo ramp.

The moment Liara realized that I was planning to carry on alone she began to fight against James, trying to remain by my side despite my insistence otherwise. I saw the pain in her eyes at the thought as she began to plead with me not to leave her behind. There was so much I wanted to tell her in that moment, but I only had time for the briefest summation.

I told her that she means everything to me and always would, no matter what happened next. I told her that I love her and kissed her with what I hoped was enough tenderness to convey everything else I couldn't say.

It seemed to work as I caressed her cheek and backed reluctantly down the cargo ramp. She stopped struggling. I knew she knew I was saying goodbye. Then she said the only thing that could have reminded me to come back home to her, 'Shepard, I am yours!'.

I turned away from the Normandy and back toward the transport beam while they began to pull away as the cargo hatch began to close. I didn't dare turn to look for her again. Then I began to storm ahead with Liara's words still ringing in my ears only to be struck by the edge of Harbinger's next shot.

The next thing I remember I was waking up to the sounds of company commanders calling for retreat. They were words of the defeated as I learned that no one had made it to the beam. My body was in agony. I could feel the sticky, oozing heat of my blood soaking through the chinks in my body armor. I still don't know how I hadn't been obliterated. Theories abound.

I felt that if I didn't get up, if I didn't finish with what I came to do, that I would be responsible, at least in part, for the total annihilation of evolved organic life in the galaxy, including Liara's. I wasn't dead yet, the intense pain I was in and the feeling of my life seeping from me was proof of that, so we weren't finished, I couldn't let us be.

Somehow I was able to force myself to my feet. Everything felt heavy and stiff as if I were made of stone. Earth's gravity became my enemy as I lifted my sidearm to aim at a few husks which climbed from a crevice near the transport beam. I barely shot them enough to kill them before they'd reach me, which I hadn't the strength to withstand. I thought 'If there's a goddess watching over us as Liara feels then please let me make it, let me see this through to the end, even if I die, let me save everyone so that she might live without further misery other than mourning'.

I thought I was being answered with mocking as I tumbled over, my own weight pulling me off balance. Then I rescinded my scoffing, after getting my legs back under me, as a turian-reaper soldier appeared from seemingly nowhere in front of me. Considering the time it took me to regain my feet, I would have been too close to have survived an encounter with the creature had I not fallen. I barely killed it as things stood.

As I trudged into the light of the transport beam I remember feeling like innumerable razor blades both exceedingly hot and cold at once were slashing me apart with vertical strikes. It was over in just a few moments, but I'd never wish to repeat the experience. Literally, in the blink of an eye, I was standing in the light of the beam with my feet firmly planted on London soil, then in the next instant I was being flung through the air to crash roughly upon the floor of some section of the Citadel I'd never seen.

I felt ridged as if I had been frozen yet I was steaming like I had been wet and subjected to intense heat. I was coughing harshly from the shock of extremes when I heard Admiral Anderson over my omni-tool comm. Somehow he had managed to make it to the beam right after I did, but was spit back out somewhere else. I now surmise that those organics transported by the beam were sorted according to their vitals. Mine were obviously worse since all around me I saw the Citadel's Keepers sorting through remains of dead humans. It reminded me of the Collector ship which renewed my anger and helped me get up and continue moving.

Anderson and I both knew we needed to keep going, one of us had to reach somewhere we could control the Citadel's arms and open them to accept the Crucible or the galaxy as we knew it was finished. We kept in contact as we made our separate ways toward a central chamber. Then Anderson spoke of seeing a control panel before his comm cut out.

When I arrived I learned that the leader of the organization known as Cerberus, The Illusive Man, had been waiting for us. Only he wasn't really human anymore. He had changed himself, had bits of strange mechanics peeking through bits of skin and radiated a dark energy that increased with the exertion of his will.

I cannot detail the conversation or further the physical details of the scenario that occurred with the Illusive Man. Those details are still classified. However, I can say that in the end, I made him see that he had been indoctrinated and he took his own life to keep from opposing me further, but not before Admiral Anderson was mortally wounded.

Once I had the chance I opened the Citadel's arms using the control panel on the far side of the room. Then I went back to where Anderson reclined against a raised portion of the floor. He was struggling to breathe, clutching a gunshot wound in his abdomen. His last words were spent telling me he was proud of me.

No sooner did my mentor and friend slump over in death did I hear comm chatter asking me why nothing was happening. Like I knew?! Like I had the first clue?! It wasn't like we got a real set of instructions. However, I found myself trying to get back up yet again as my life continued to trickle out of deep wounds which were draining me. I clawed my way toward the control panel again. I'd use my last seconds of life to mash buttons and pray I'd get lucky if need be. I needed to try. I didn't quite make it back to the controls before I collapsed from exhaustion on the floor. I thought it was all over. I thought I failed after all I'd been through.

Suddenly I was moving, well not me, but the area I occupied lying on the floor. There was a sound, a change in what my surroundings felt like and I strained to open my tired eyes. Another sound, this time a voice. It commanded me to get up and I felt partially renewed.

What greeted me when I got to my feet once again was an ultra-advanced AI which had taken the holographic form of a child from my memories. I spoke with this AI, which I learned was the true Catalyst and the origin of the Reapers' harvesting protocols. The AI explained to me that it had been created many 'cycles' ago to find the answer to preserving all life. It told me it concluded that to preserve life it would need to harvest that life before it could evolve far enough to destroy itself. The AI went on to explain that my presence there with it had never been expected, that I had changed so much within our cycle, compared to all others, that it was no longer solely interested in the harvest because of those changes. Even it, with all its stores of information, with all its 'certainty' of the repeating patterns, conceded that I added too many unknown variables for it to calculate how our cycle would proceed. Then it told me I could choose something other than the continuing harvest, but I would have to do it quickly before it was too late.

First it directed my attention to a power conduit toward my left. It explained to me that through that conduit I could control the Reapers. When I asked how it would work, the Catalyst explained that I would give up my physical body and my mind would merge with the Reapers through the resulting pulse that would be sent throughout the galaxy via the Mass Relays. I pondered aloud that the Illusive Man had been right and the Catalyst confirmed my suspicions that he had indeed been indoctrinated already by the Reapers so he could not have.

I didn't even have time to wrap my mind around this possibility when the Catalyst added another choice, directing my attention ahead of us to, not a conduit, but a beam of light within a mechanical construct, not unlike the transport beam that had brought me to the Citadel from the Earth's surface. The Catalyst went on to explain that with that light I could choose synthesis with the Reapers. When I queried how this new possibility would work, it explained that I would enter this beam of light and give up my entire being to add my DNA to the resulting pulse. It continued to explain that my DNA in turn would merge all organic and synthetic life seamlessly which would result in the Reapers becoming obsolete. It actually suggested that synthesis would be the best option. However, the option made me feel uneasy, as if even considering it would be a betrayal of everyone in the galaxy and was ultimately allowing the Reapers to win.

Once the Catalyst continued with yet another choice, pointing toward a power conduit on my right, I had already eliminated the option of synthesis from my mind. Instead I was pondering what I'd do once in control of the Reapers and knowing that no species was ready to possess something so powerful. Therefore, when the Catalyst explained that the last option was destruction of the Reapers, all their related creations and itself I was skeptical. It explained there would be collateral damage and then it clarified that our galactic preparations made that damage minimal and nothing the galaxy couldn't fix or recover from. All I needed to do was destroy the conduit it had directed me to and the resulting pulse would take care of the rest. It added that some day a future generation could create technology that would surpass them and subsequently the cycles would start again in some form. However, I felt confident after reuniting the Quarians and the Geth that our cycle had already changed too much for that eventuality.

Everyone already knows I chose to destroy the Reapers. Not only was it exactly what I had always set out to accomplish and promised the galaxy I'd do, but I had to take the only choice that gave me any chance to keep my promise to Liara. I had to destroy them even if my odds of surviving were nearly non-existent.

I started limping down the path which the Catalyst had pointed out would be used in order to destroy them all. I expected to hear some sort of protest as I raised my sidearm, but it remained silent as I opened fire on the power conduit in front of me. Time itself seemed to be caught in the suspense of my decision, or maybe my perception of time was accelerated in those moments as each squeeze of the trigger felt an eternity. Each round loosed brought flashes of memory like still pictures, one after another. I thought, 'Is this what they mean when they say right before death your life flashes before your eyes?'.

I can't remember how many times I fired, but I knew when my next round would finish things once and for all. I held my breath and sent out a silent prayer as I squeezed the trigger once more. I felt both relief and terror as I watched the core of the conduit build a strange charge. Then the charge burst outward and as it passed through me it lifted me from my feet and sent me flying.

I've been asked so many times what it was like. How does one describe something like that? Yet here I am, about to try...

I can say with sincerity that the pain the pulse caused as it passed through me was a thousand times worse than the pain of suffocating in the cold vacuum of space. It was worse than dying. Dying was so much easier than what I did, what I went through.

I don't remember hitting the ground. I don't remember things crumbling around me. I don't remember any sounds or sights or sensations other than the pain. Then I felt this numbness creeping slowly over me and an image of Liara in tears clutching my dog tags in her fist appeared in my mind so I did the only thing I could to keep my love from mourning me a second time. I found that pain, which would make anyone beg for death, amidst the spreading serenity of the moment and made it mine. I concentrated on the feeling of my every molecule being torn apart and reassembled over and over in waves and owned it. This was my pain and I would not give it up, no matter how persuasive the temptress of the abyss made her offer. Pain meant life...

I'm not sure how long I was like that, stuck in a place where my instincts cried for rest and my reason-focused will screamed defiantly into the void. It felt like forever.

Finally, I was roused by the pain focusing in a single area due to a new outside touch. It wasn't that the medic was rough with me when he found me barely alive among the piles of rubble, it's just how any new touch was perceived by my nerve endings.

I couldn't open my eyes. I couldn't move. I was too weak to scream in my agony. I heard muffled sounds, like listening to someone talking outside when you're under water. I tried to focus on the sounds. Barely made out the words 'Shepard...miracle...alive...Medigel...sedation'. Felt the effects of an emergency medi-gel not a minute later and managed to croak the word 'wait' before being given sedation for transport. I know his next words were some sort of argument, but I couldn't focus on his words and making my own at the same time. Finally, I managed to groan 'Liara T'soni' and heard 'Yes, commander' before being relieved of my pain and consciousness without fear of slipping away.

So that's the best answer I have for how I survived at ground zero when the pulse that destroyed the Reapers burst forth. A lot of 'I have no idea' mixed with a good dose of stubbornness and a huge helping of a damn good reason to live.


	2. An Easy Early Retirement?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The declassified truth about Commander Shepard's disappearance from the galactic spotlight for the last half decade.

Autobiography of Rai Shepard  
Chapter Two: An Easy Early Retirement?

The “official story” given by both the Alliance and the Council has been that after my recovery and release from the hospital I was allowed an early retirement at an undisclosed location which extended to my partner Dr Liara T'soni. They were known to tell the curious that they felt if anyone deserved to retire in peace away from the galactic spotlight it was me. However, the truth of the matter is something quite different.

Until the release of this autobiography, what really transpired and the reasons for it have been considered classified.

When I awoke for the first time after my initial sedation for transport I still couldn't open my eyes and the body-wide pain was still there though it was subdued by medications. However, my hearing was undistorted as my mind became more alert. It was mostly quiet wherever I was. I could hear common hospital sounds like the steady beeping that matched my heartbeat. Then I heard Liara's voice as she spoke softly to Glyph, her information assistant drone.

“Liara?” I near whispered as I forced the sound through my dried and pained airways.

“Shepard?!” she nearly laughed my name as I heard her rush over to me. Then she grabbed my hand in hers, caressing my fingers.

I nearly cried out as my pain coalesced in my held hand. I didn't care, I wouldn't give up her touch,and squeezed her fingers gently.

“I'm here Liara. I can't open my eyes though. May I have some water?” I croaked straining to keep my words measured as the intensity of my pain began to creep past my meds.

“Of course!” she cooed before she let my hand go. I listened as she moved around the room and I heard the pouring of liquid. Then I heard her come closer before she spoke again.

“I'm going to move your bed to sit you up now, ok?”

“Yes,” I groaned, forcing my head to nod slightly as well.

Then I heard the low whirring of a motor as I was slowly moved into a semi-reclined sitting position.

“Here, there's a straw,” Liara instructed as I felt the slightest brush of her finger on my chin.

I found the straw with my lips and downed the entire glass of water in long, measured gulps as I pondered the forthcoming conversation.

Soon as I swallowed the last bit, Liara moved the glass away and asked “Are you in much pain?”

I should have known that no amount of self-control could keep the truth from her completely.

“Yes, I'm in pain and it won't be long before I'll need sedated again. First, there are things I need to know. I don't have time to explain and ask what I need to both so I ask that you be patient and just trust me. I need to know who is in charge of my care and what they have diagnosed is wrong with me so far.”

She didn't question me even a little as she took my hand again tenderly and answered, “Miranda Lawson is actually in charge of your care. She rushed directly here when I contacted her. She knows your physical statics and implants better than anyone in the galaxy and I knew you'd feel better knowing she were the one poking around your body. As for what she has determined so far, your visual-neuro implants that connect your eyes to your brain were shorted by the pulse so until they are replaced you'll be blind. Also, the nerve implants in your spine were severely damaged so your legs are paralyzed for the time being. Otherwise, she has been registering body wide changes though she has yet to determine what the changes signify, their root cause or what might be done about the changes if anything.”

“I'm betting she is planning to fix my vision issues first. Psychologically it'd make the most sense after everything I've been through. However, I'd like you to tell her that I wish my mobility tended to first and in short order. I don't expect to use my legs soon, but I'll need to leave here much sooner than anyone will want. My visual issues could be fixed in a small lab setting where my spine cannot. All I can say in explanation right now is that my sedation doesn't stop my mind. I love you, Liara. Please call the nurse now as I'm about to seize,” as the last word left my lips my body convulsed, the all encompassing pain overwhelming my concentration, and I screamed.

I'm not sure how long it took for the sedation to come. In those moments where control became impossible time was distorted in my view. All I know is when it arrived so did the vibrant dreams of the future I was having. However, I found the dreams changed since last I had them which confirmed what my intuition already sensed, they were not dreams, but visions.

The next time I woke I listened again before speaking. This time I heard the two distinct voices of Liara and Miranda.

“What do you mean she said she'll need to leave here much sooner than anyone will want?” Miranda was grumbling quietly.

Before Liara could start her response I interrupted in a low raspy grumble. “Miranda, I'm afraid she doesn't know anymore than you do. It's just the three of us, correct?” I tried to clear my throat and a moment later Liara was there with water for me.

“Shepard, here,” she said as I felt the familiar caress of her finger on my chin before she continued, “and yes, it's just us.”

“Thank you,” I sighed as I took the straw offered and drained the glass slowly.

Miranda started to ask something and stopped. Later I learned that Liara had made her pause with a light touch to her arm and a soft shake of her head, understanding me and knowing answers would come if I were left to them.

“I believe I know why you haven't figured out what is going on with my body. I'd like you to check for changes in any of my DNA, specifically I'd like you to look at strands linked to biotic powers like those of an asari. Right now, let's just call it a hunch.”

I gritted my teeth together and growled softly as my pain welled up. I must have been closer to getting a new dose of pain medication from the machines I was hooked to rather than having just gotten one. Then I felt a gentle warmth caressing my head. The pain subsided from everywhere the warmth touched and my thoughts cleared.

“That's nice. Are you doing that, Liara?” I said with a much relaxed smile.

“Yes, Shepard, and you might be correct about what is happening to you being asari related. I don't know how or why, but right now I'm helping you using a technique practiced by asari mothers with their children. They use it when the child's biotic abilities first start developing to soothe their biotic 'growing pains'. However, I'm exerting much more effort than a mother would need to use. It might be that since you're an adult they would activate at adult strength.”

I could picture the expression on Liara's face, her wheels turning. It made me smile because I knew her hands would be waving in the air as she spoke if they weren't busy already. Then I thought I should get back to business before Liara exerted herself too much.

“Miranda, you can't allow anyone to know about any changes you might uncover. Don't even let anyone find you looking at my DNA. Without understanding it I know the Alliance and the Council will both be too afraid of what's happening with me to let me leave. I won't be a prisoner and a test subject for however long until they are satisfied. They'd try to put a nice face on it, all in my best interests of course, but we all know they'll be terrified by it because it was a pulse from 'Reaper tech' that started this.” I could feel Liara's biotics waver slightly and hoped Miranda trusted me well enough to at least check my suspicions first before spending time arguing.

“Alright Shepard, I've already learned that however improbable your 'hunches' are they aren't something to just be ignored. Plus, I owe you. Well the whole damn galaxy owes you, but I'm also inclined to agree with you that no one else should be brought in on this, regardless of the results. The way you're talking alone would be enough for them to hold you. I'll have Liara help me look through your DNA once it's sequenced. If your DNA is changing, then she would be able to determine if any found variances are asari and what you might expect to go through with those changes. Now about fixing your mobility so you can leave, why the rush exactly?” Miranda's words were calm, but I could almost see her standing with her arms crossed leaning back slightly, impatient for reply.

I tried to be precise enough to allay more questions while trying to explain quickly enough so Liara needn't do more than necessary.

“I've not been completely dormant when I've been sedated. My mind still constantly moves only it is relieved of the sensations of pain and there is only the powers of my mind itself. I've been having visions during my sedation periods. I thought they could be repeating dreams, but after only talking to Liara the visions have changed somewhat. These visions remind me of those from the Prothean devices, only these were specific to my life. Imagine seeing your own future in five to ten second segments jumping through time say two weeks, then a month, then another larger span and another. A few minutes of flashes, most not making much sense with some being crystal clear as to what they could signify. Then they repeat. I'm not sure how long I've been kept under sedation, but I feel like I haven't truly slept. Even when I'm not having the visions I'm kind of awake pondering them. Knowing this, if you check my DNA and I'm right about the asari connection then we can plan to get me out of here. However, if I'm wrong then at least these perceived 'facts' can help you narrow down things further to help with my care. Now, Liara, are there any differences in the sedative needed for an asari compared to a human?”

I kept myself from letting the pain that seeped through show when I felt Liara's biotic strength wane as she answered. “Asari need about twice as much sedative than humans and most other galactic species due to our increased healing factors that allow us to live so long. Miranda, it might help to increase Shepard's sedative, she needs real rest if she's to heal.”

I could hear the worry and pleading in Liara's voice. I couldn't help, but worry about her and what seeing me like that was doing to her.

“I'll be alright Liara. Please don't worry so much,” I forced a smile before continuing,” She's right of course. I do need real rest. Maybe every other sedation period though. If I'm correct and I'm having visions of the future, I'll need them as we move forward.”

“Alright Shepard, let's say you're right, what would you do once you're out of here, what would the plan be? You know even if you make it out of the hospital, off Earth and even out of the Sol system the Alliance and the Council will both send people after you. Up and leaving will make them afraid of you as surely as your DNA changing would, hell more so.” Miranda was already thinking ahead on the assumption I was right even without yet having proof.

“Well,” I let out an involuntary groan and I felt Liara strain her biotics further. It helped, but I felt even more rushed so I just got to my only question. “Liara, would you be willing to run far away with me to live together in a place of peace and happiness, at least until we...”

“Shepard, of course I would!” she interrupted and I felt the warm, velvety press of her lips on mine to which I responded in kind. “I love you, Shepard,” she whispered softly, her sweet breath kissing my skin like an aftershock.

“I love you too, Liara,” I sighed contentedly, before pulling myself from the revelry of the moment. Then I continued by answering Miranda's prior query. “Miranda, right now just focus on proving or disproving my theories. Details will need to be hashed out over time and we'll need more help from other friends we can trust for some details along the way of course. Now if you could please sedate me with an increased dose so I can truly rest and so Liara can relax for a while, I'd appreciate it.”

I smiled, waiting happily, knowing Liara was with me and would continue to be. Then the bliss of true sleep overtook me.

It was only the beginning of Liara and I's eventual 'escape'. I won't give up some details. Despite the Alliance and Council allowing me to tell my story with few restrictions, there are just some things that people don't need to know.

It didn't take long for Miranda and Liara to confirm that my DNA was changing and those changes were in fact lining up with markers that matched asari biotic abilities. Working together they were also able to estimate that once things settled I would probably be about 30% genetically asari and the changes would actually increase my lifespan by approximately 500 years, if I could survive the changes themselves. They uncovered markers that, according to their best guess, would create, delete and modify internal glands and organs. They even surmised that the markers that were changing to something not either asari or human were some sort of true melding of organic code to compensate for other changes within my system.

The capabilities of the people I've come to call my closest friends, those who I've fought beside, those I would die for who would die for me have never stopped amazing me. It had only taken the two of them a little over a week to learn all they had.

Miranda, of course, was thoroughly satisfied that the changes I was going through and how I directed them right to where they needed to look was proof enough that I was having visions. She pledged to help me any way I needed her to and set out to start repairing my mobility next.

During the time they were sifting through my DNA, Liara never actually left my side, instead using Glyph to download segments of my sequenced code and coordinate findings with Miranda who was elsewhere. Every time I woke she was there, giving me water and insisting on using her biotics to soothe me as we talked about plan details on the assumption I was correct about everything. At first I tried to argue against her pushing her biotics so much and so frequently to help me, but I had to relent when she very logically concluded that it should help build her endurance for when we left and I would need to be alert for an extended period. Never did she doubt anything I told her I saw in my visions, helping me discern what a number of them could even mean.

I shared it all with Liara. The only thing I ever tried to keep to myself was my pain. I knew she could imagine it enough without hearing its extent or seeing it written too much on me. I tried so hard to survive to keep her from pain not be the cause of more.

Of course I love her and always will. I think I deserve to gush a bit, I've earned it. She's so insanely intelligent with many things, yet somewhat cutely clueless with others. She's sweet and can be a bit sassy, but I like it. I know beyond a doubt that she loves me and I'm grateful for it. She worries after me and doesn't take any of my crap while allowing me to get away with more than anyone else. She's the only one I can talk to without saying a word. She's mine and I'm hers and I would be damned if I was going to let anything keep us apart anymore, after all we'd been through.

Liara had everything arranged according to the plans we had come up with together by the time Miranda was ready to perform spinal surgery to fix my mobility. Joker and EDI were up to speed with our initial plans to get out of the Sol system and Liara insisted that Dr Chakwas be brought in for the initial leg of our journey. It would only be a few more days to a week until things would be put in motion.

Liara was in the operating room to use her biotics to help supplement the anesthesia and before putting me under Miranda paused obviously torn. Though I couldn't see her I could feel her thoughts like a physical thing.

“What's on your mind, Miranda? I don't want you doing this if you're not sure about something. I don't care what it is, just spit it out.“ I knew the moment I asked that I had taken her off guard.

“Well two things now, how did you know I was still dissatisfied with something and how did you come to suspect your DNA was changing to be more asari-like? I noticed you never did mention why that is where you directed our search for answers. I believe if it were part of one of your visions that you would have mentioned it like you have other details.”

“I told you she'd ask, “ I smiled obviously directing my words at Liara before answering, “When I first began having the visions I thought I was just going nuts to be honest. Then I started thinking of Liara and that if I were losing my mind that I'd miss out on so much with her. Then I thought about being melded with her and it suddenly struck me what could be happening to me. I thought about the last few times we had melded both in body and mind and how I always felt sensations of the experience days after it was over. It all seemed so clear to me, her, lets say, biotic fingerprint was still on me when the pulse passed through me. If the Catalyst could use its energy through me to merge all organic and synthetic life, why wouldn't the pulse merge Liara's lingering biotic energy with me?”

“Really? That's it? You just thought about it and it came to you?”

I could almost see Miranda tapping her foot in skepticism as I answered sincerely, “Think of it this way Miranda, I've been known to have keen instincts before so wouldn't it make sense, with the particular changes I'm going through, that ability would be enhanced as well? And as for how I knew you wanted to ask me something still, that's easy, you're smart Miranda and I know things don't usually get past you. I knew it was just a matter of time and I just felt the question hanging in the air. I hope these answers satisfy you, because it's the best I can do.”

“I don't see how I have much choice and it was worth it just to see Liara's cheeks flush when you mentioned melding with her. I still hope you know what you're doing. This surgery isn't without its risks, especially since we don't know how your changing physique will react to the intrusion. So are you ready for this, Shepard?”

Miranda's tone had become more relaxed, but before I could answer Liara spoke, “Shepard says that she has seen coming out of the situation well and fine concerning the surgery and I for one believe her. Her visions would have changed by now otherwise.”

“You're probably right. Shepard?”

I could hear the question in the way Miranda said my name. I didn't have time to ponder why Liara was being so protective and took a deep breath before replying, “Let's do this.”

When next I awoke I could feel the familiar inertial movement of traveling through space. I knew I was in the med bay on the Normandy SR2. It wasn't just the feeling of moving without moving within a hyperspace jump, it was the sounds and smells of MY ship. It dawned on me as I opened my mouth to call for Liara that this must have always been her plan which explained Miranda's deeper reasons for care.

“Liara, are you here?” I rasped, my throat raw.

“I'm afraid she's elsewhere on the ship at this moment, Commander,” came the reply from the familiar voice of my dear friend, Dr Karen Chakwas.

“I've already alerted her that you've gained consciousness, commander. She insisted I let her know the moment you woke. She's on her way here now, “ added the voice of EDI through the Normandy's speaker system.

Before I could utter my thanks, I heard the med bay's door open as Liara rushed in.

“Shepard, I'll get you some water. Just one moment,” she said excitedly as I heard her rush around the room.  
I only smiled as I waited patiently. Then after taking a few sips of my reward, I finally spoke.

“We're on the Normandy already aren't we?” I said, trying to keep my voice measured as I felt a swell of pain. I noticed a interesting difference in how the pain felt in that moment. It felt as if the energy my body was expending since the surgery was being focused more on healing than on changing my DNA. It's hard to explain, the DNA changes didn't stop, but my pain was a dull ache over most of my body except at the site of my surgery and my head ached profusely. It made things almost feel normal and I grinned with a wince from another pinch as I took a deep breath.

“So you're not upset that I took it upon myself to get you out of the hospital and the Sol system while you were still under anesthesia and kept my plans to do so from you?”

I could hear the sweet worry in her voice and my smile broadened.

“Of course not Liara. I'm happy to know that I can still count on you to be yourself whether I have visions of the future for us or not. Actually, wouldn't this just prove that my visions depend on it?” I actually chuckled in relief, knowing that having these visions wouldn't change us just by existing.

Just then EDI interrupted over the ship's intercom system, “Commander, sorry to intrude, but Admiral Hackett had been sending the Normandy the same message request for the last few hours and is now becoming desperate, threatening to charge anyone who helps you with galactic treason, knowing with the suspected roster so far that they are doing so for you. I thought you should know.”

I sighed heavily, frustrated by the prospect of having this conversation with him so soon. I knew it was coming, but didn't have the opportunity to warn anyone. I already had a plan to deal with it that I was sure would work, I just hoped no one on my side would argue with me.

“EDI please return the hail on my signal and patch him through to the med bay intercom since I cannot get up yet. I might as well get this over with. I ask that everyone just let me handle things and go along with whatever I say. I know exactly what I'm doing. Alright EDI, do it.”

“Shepard, Shepard is that you?” Hackett's voice crackled somewhat over the speakers.

“Yes, admiral, it's me. Just what is this I hear about you threatening to charge anyone who's helping me with galactic treason?”

“This is serious business we're talking about Shepard. You left the hospital in secret, not yet fully recovered. Then you stole an Alliance vessel and have left the Sol system for who knows where. Finally, not an hour ago, we had some of our techs going through Miranda's personal files on you and there's evidence of your DNA changing. Just what do you think you're doing, commander?! You need to turn around and get back here at once and let us help you figure this out,” he grumbled, not the least bit amused by my caviler tone.

“Admiral, I need you to calm down and listen to me carefully.I will not be returning and you won't be charging those who've helped me with anything and I'll explain why. The short version is because you have no choice.” I paused rightly as Admiral Hackett began to yell.

“Just who do you think...” I didn't let him continue his ranting. “EDI cut transmission.”

“May I have some more water Liara?” I groaned, licking my lips.

“Of course, Shepard. Do you really think taunting him into anger was a good idea? I mean everyone is doing this for us, for you, and they might have to go into hiding now too.” She had poured the water and brought it to me as she spoke.

I took my time, slowly sipping the glass dry before I answered her. During that small pause I heard Miranda storm into the room. Luckily she was up to speed already thanks to EDI and didn't interrupt.

“Yes, unfortunately I've found it necessary. He'll only truly be willing to listen once he realizes he has no control at all. He'll hail the Normandy with threats and building rage for a while. Then the hails will turn to talk of compromises. Finally, he'll relent and ask me calmly what my plans are and why no one will have charges placed against them. It's only when that happens that I'll speak to him again. Until then we can talk and I'll explain how I'll handle things with the Alliance and the Council so no one is so much as put under watch, let alone charged with any crime.”

Miranda couldn't help herself and spoke up first. “This ought to be good. So how exactly will none of us co-conspirators not get into a shred of trouble over this?”

“Liara, my head is throbbing, could you help me a bit?” I grumbled softly, giving in to my need to be clear headed though not wanting to ask it of her.

“Of course, Shepard. My pleasure,” she nearly whispered as I felt the soothing warmth of her energy.

“Thanks Liara,” I sighed. Then I took a deep breath before beginning my answer.

“If Liara and I find out that anyone has so much as been followed or even gotten a questionable traffic citation we will mass broadcast the truth that the 'savior of the galaxy', Commander Shepard, under fear of incarceration, was forced to flee the hospital before even being able to walk and those that helped her are being persecuted unjustly. Then of course we'd add exactly who is being persecuted and how giving information about all they did to help me and why. As you can tell Miranda, I wouldn't even have to really lie. Also, I can prove that they would do exactly as I feared they would which in turn lead to all this because EDI has been instructed to record all incoming hails. The first thing I'll mention to Hackett is that I asked Miranda to leave the information on my DNA changes for them to find. Then I'll let him know that they reacted exactly as I knew they would and that his hails have been recorded as well as our conversations as proof for the 'galactic eye' that is very interested in my story, if it'd come to that.Once Liara and I leave the Normandy we'll disappear after that. We'll become nothing more than a big package passed off from one delivery person to the next until we get where we're going. With Liara and my combined resources no one really has any chance of finding us unless we decide we want found. However, we'll be keeping our eyes and ears open for the sake of our friends and ourselves of course. The galaxy might lose track of us, but we won't be losing track of it.”

“That's actually rather brilliant. You'll hold them hostage with your own personal fame and accomplishments. Even mercenaries owe you at least one favor. Hell Shepard, everyone in the galaxy owes you one. So did you see the conversation in your visions?” Miranda said truly impressed and curious.

“Actually, I only had visions of the results. These visions I noticed would change as I'd decide different ways to handle things. It wasn't until I decided to stop trying to appease the Alliance and Council and decided I'd lay out my own rules that the vision's results were something I could deal with. Any other questions?” I was trying to be as clear as possible while being brief for Liara's sake. I could let her rest after our little Q&A until I decided to answer the admiral's hails again.

“You said something about the two of you only being a package passed around until you get where you wish to go. I'm interested to hear the details about that part of your plan as I assume you won't even hardly skim the surface about them with the admiral,” Dr Chakwas asked from across the room where I knew her desk was situated.

“Hmm, good, Liara, you can field this question as the idea was mostly yours. Please rest your biotics until I need to focus again and I'll concentrate on myself for the moment. Alright?”

“Alright Shepard,” she sighed, not wanting to stop helping me, but understanding the logic of it and my own feelings on the subject.

The throbbing in my skull returned and I breathed into it accepting it gracefully rather than let the force of its return show. I could still hear Liara's excited explaination through the pain and knew her hands would be flinging in the air as she made each point and it made me smile.

I allowed myself to drift off into my own mind for a while, focusing on the changes within its physical workings. It wasn't the pain of nerve endings I was feeling, it was like a pressure that would ebb and flow.

I'm not sure how long I was in my own world when I heard Liara finishing her explanation of the 'shipping crate' she designed to be a self-contained living quarters with its own life support, hidden communications system and custom security features. On the outside we'd be just another secretive carry-and-drop smuggling container, while on the inside we'd live together until we reached our destination. It would be scan and sound proof, but we'd be able to monitor what was happening outside through bugs and sensors. I even thought to have a mag-lock installed on its bottom surface so if someone answered one of our security questions wrong we could keep them from moving our crate. All in all we were as covert, careful and prepared as anyone could be to do what we planned.

“It seems as if the two of you have really covered your based. It warms my heart to know that you have each other still after everything that has happened. Trouble be damned! Even if I were executed I'd still help you,” Dr Chakwas said in that matter-of-fact British tone of hers.

“We appreciate everything everyone is doing for us, but neither of us would feel right if it caused you all a mountain of problems. EDI has there been any change in the hails yet?” I spoke up groaning with my shift in focus and the reemergence of unfettered throbbing.

It was only a second before I felt the soothing touch of Liara's biotics just as EDI replied, “They are already in the compromising phase that you predicted, commander. I'll let you know the moment he gives in.”

“Liara, please save your energy. We don't know how long it will take until...” I didn't even finish my thought before EDI came back over the intercom, “Excuse me commander, but the admiral has entered the final phase. Let me know when you'd like me to answer his hail.”

“Ha,” Liara half chuckled under her breath, just enough so I could hear, and it made me smile. I deserved every bit of sass she gave me and I loved it too.

“I eat my words. Thank you, my love.” It was the first time I'd refered to her with such a title and I could hear the collective gasp of 'aww' from all except Liara herself. I had changed since living through the critical portion after the pulse hit me. It wasn't just my DNA. I found I could no longer take a single day to wait to tell Liara exactly how I felt about anything, in any moment. I wouldn't take for granted that I'd live till tomorrow let alone another 600 years.

Liara's response was immediate and sweet and she made things worse for herself as a result when she embarassedly grumbled, “Shepard...”

Then EDI piped in, “This reminds me of an old human sung ryhme I found on the net. Refering to the two of you, it would go, 'Liara and Shepard sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I...”

“That's enough of that EDI,” I admonished.

“Yes commander,” came EDI's reply and both Miranda and Dr Chakwas both huffed in disappointment.

“We'll have a bit of fun before we leave, but for now I need to take care of answering the admiral. Alright everyone?”

“Yes commander,” came the in unison reply from all.

My conversation with Admiral Hackett went pretty much as expected. He had already been defeated when I answered his hails so he didn't interrupt me very often. By the end of our talk he actually seemed relaxed quite a bit.

“Admiral Hackett, one day we'll come out of our seclusion and you'll see that all is just how I've explained it. I want nothing more than to go to a place far away and live in peace with Liara away from the 'galactic spotlight' and being known and 'needed'. I'll keep myself sharp for the defense of what's mine, but I truly hope I never have to kill another sentient being in my lifetime. I've seen enough death and have done enough of the killing myself for a thousand lifetimes. Haven't I earned this?!!” I started getting choked up at the end and the admiral could hear my tears as my voice cracked.

“I'm sorry for everything we've put you through, Shepard. Your resignation as both an Alliance soldier and as a Council Specter is accepted. You will receive appropriate commendations for all your dedication and bravery. I personally garauntee anyone we know who has helped you in this will be immune from punishment for doing so. The Council will still insist we make an effort to search for you, but I doubt it will take them long to give it up. Fixing all that galactic destruction from the Reapers needs to be our priority. I'll remind them of that. So yes, Shepard, you've earned it. Hackett out.”

I wondered in those last few minutes when I could no longer keep my emotions in and the admiral could hear my sorrow, if that is what my vision's result truly hinged on in the long run. I will never know.

The rest of our journey on the Normandy was rather uneventful, all things considered. It was decided with how my body reacted to my spinal surgery that the surgery to correct my blindness would also be completed before we left. We laughed together, cried together and said our goodbyes for the time being. Finally we met up with Feron who had everything prepared for us on a small ship he had requisitioned for our initial purposes.

That is the truth of how my 'retirement' began. Now here we are, six years later, and the galactic spotlight shines on me the moment we come out of hiding. I doubt we'll ever get to be a 'normal' family, it's to be expected I guess. It is my hope however that writing this book about my own life will ease many of the questions and therefore much of the attention we receive.


	3. How an Orphan Earns a Name

Autobiography of Commander Rai Shepard  
Chapter 3: How an Orphan Earns a Name

 

As an Earth-born orphan, I find it odd that most people don't even consider how orphans might be given their names. I guess it's not something people feel the need to wonder since when they ask for the person's name there is usually an answer. Why wonder how they got that name, right?

Many orphans are given their names before they ever arrive in an orphanage either by their birth parents or some hospital staff. However, there are those like myself, who were nameless when they arrived at the Stewart's Divide Home for Wayward Children.

I never knew my parents. I was found in some dumpster with amniotic fluid still on my skin on the last day of November. It used to bother me that I was some whore's unwanted get, but now I'm proud of who I am and my will to survive even then.

Once I was at the orphanage they gave me the name Rai. No last name, just those three letters that sounded like a boy's name. The ones who ran the orphanage claimed they didn't give the nameless a last name because once they were adopted they would have their new parent's surname.

My first real memory is one of getting beaten to a bloody pulp when I was only six. It was on an open house day when couples wishing to adopt would come in to observe and possibly choose one of us. It was also the first day I was allowed to attend one of the events and the day I learned how things at the orphanage actually worked.

My beating came about when I overheard a young couple grumbling over the continuing lack of any infants being available to adopt any time they'd come. I knew for certain that there were half a dozen infants available at that moment so I walked up to them and tugged on the man's pants.

“Oh look dear. The quiet, little, dirty, boyish one wants to say something,” the man remarked as he looked down at me.

I didn't like the way he described me or how he and the woman next to him looked down on me, not just because of their height. What started out as something nice became a snapping remark as I crossed my little arms and glared up at them. “You're both being lied to and you always fall for it. I bet you've come here a bunch of times and they've told you there were no babies to see. There are six elsewhere here just today.”

I wasn't rewarded for my words, not even with the satisfaction of an infant getting out of that place. Instead I was beaten about my entire body with the leather strap of a folded over belt while the couple watched and encouraged more. They called me a nasty little liar, a bully, a mean little brute and other such things as each blow was struck.

I learned many hard lessons that day: Just because something is the truth doesn't mean that someone will believe it or that you'll be rewarded for sharing it. Some people would rather believe a lie than admit they were fooled. It wasn't just the people who ran the orphanage who could be cruel for no reason other than they could be and it suited them in the moment. No one was ever to be adopted from our orphanage and the staff worked hard to make sure of it.

It was shortly after my recovery from the beating that I became a different child than they had seen thus far. They actually thought the beating had done me some good as I became incredibly helpful to them with the care of the other children and was exceptionally polite with the staff in the process. I was no longer the backward, quiet loner. Truly they had no idea how much 'good' the beating truly had done.

During the daylight hours, instead of being alone somewhere,I could be found tending to the smaller children's needs, learning to fix the children's broken toys and mend their torn clothes, making sure they were gathered in an orderly fashion for school transportation times and meals so no one would miss out or get punished, doing anything I could to keep the other kids out of sight and mind of the staff as much as possible.

I wasn't very good at a lot of the things I was trying to do to help the other kids. However, it wasn't long before even the older children started following me around and paying attention when I'd tell them something. They saw how the way I chose to do things was better for all of us because punishments decreased significantly and we found more freedom to do what we wanted as long as we kept ourselves unobtrusive. The more children that followed my lead the better things became for us, not because the adult staff changed, but because we did for ourselves.

During the night, after almost everyone was sleeping, I'd sneak around the enormous building in the dark and quiet, avoiding staff patrols and skirting areas I knew cameras could see. During my excursions I'd learn more and more about what our orphanage was beneath its surface. On the outside we seemed like any other slum area orphanage, but I knew, even at my young age, there was something dark going on, only I didn't know what for years.

By the time I was nine, I always had at least a small handful of other kids with me during the day as I'd make my own 'rounds' of the orphanage. Everyone had things they were good at and they all helped each other as I directed them. It's this very fact that lead to the first title I ever earned, which later just became my name.

It began as a jibe from one of the orderlies. “Well, if it isn't the little shepherd and her flock,” he'd say every time I'd happen by with a group in tow.

The first time it was said I remember Amanda, a bit older girl of about twelve with dark black hair and a penchant for giving people nicknames, giggling and saying, “Shepard, huh, I like it. I've been trying to think of something good to call you.”

It didn't take more than a week for the other kids to pick up the nickname for me and the adults soon followed. It was like a badge of honor that I wore proudly even with the weight of the obligations it came with.

I remember the first time one of the smaller children gave me a crayon colored picture with the words 'To Shepard' in big uneven and misshapen red print. It was a child's rendition, spelled how it sounded. It was different and special and it too stuck once I proudly hung the sunshiny picture by my small dorm bed.

That's how I initially earned the name everyone knows me by. How it endured to stay that way are my life's stories though I legally took Shepard as my surname when I turned eighteen and joined the Alliance.


	4. No More Than an Investment

Autobiography of Commander Rai Shepard  
Chapter 4: No More Than an Investment

I was twelve when I learned the horrible facts that lie below of the surface of our orphanage's public face.

The staff of Stewart's Divide Home for Wayward Children were a truly despicable lot. While, it was true we were fed, clothed and sent to school as the law dictated, there were many things from my perspective that didn't add up. I knew the truth when I came across a discarded memo in the trash from the head of staff to the head medic which read, “Amanda will be sixteen soon. Let Corthak know the dark haired beauty will be ready for sale within the year.”

We had been lead to believe that around the age of sixteen or seventeen the staff would find a work program for anyone who hadn't been adopted by then. We had even been allowed to have farewell parties, a very special treat for all of us. It made me sick knowing we had been celebrating the enslavement of our friends.

I had been taking full advantage of every moment of school time I received and wished that more of the children would have followed in that example than actually did. It was clear to me from my interest in galactic events that we were being kept like livestock to be sold when at the right age.

We were obviously part of the galactic slave trade business, but I needed to know exactly who Corthak was and find a way to get as many of the older kids away from that place as I could before moving on my information. I knew I couldn't stop the staff, I was twelve, but I knew if I could get their money makers out of there I might be able to stop them in a few years before the littler kids became old enough to sell.

I knew if I had any chance to find out who Corthak was or even get a single child out of there besides myself I'd have to find a way into the head of staff, Ms Gertrude Henrilman's, office.

I had already learned where Ms Henrilman hid her password that she'd write down each month. It had been her idea to have the staff choose a new password monthly to heighten their security. The problem was she realized she couldn't remember it from month to month. I had been standing silently waiting for her to give me the blank forms the head nurse, Mrs Linzer, had sent me to fetch when I saw her reminder note's hiding spot. Even though she had me turn around I could see her reflection in a vase by the door when Ms Henrilman opened her top desk drawer and leaned over, turning her head to look at its bottom from below.

The problem was going to be getting into the office to use her computer. There was only ever a two minute window of time to get into the office and reactivate the lock from inside before the next security patrol would pass within view of the door and notice. I was trying to learn how to do things like that, but wasn't anywhere near good enough to bypass the door, get in and then undo my bypass from the inside.

I fretted for nearly a month over what I already knew and what I still needed to learn. Then, as if by divine mandate, the answer literally fell at my feet one day.

Ms Henrilman was rushing around her office in a frenzy of swirling papers, hugging bundles of them to her chest then shoving bundle after bundle into bags for disposal. She had received a tip that a federal inspector was coming in, not to inspect the orphanage's daily runnings, but their 'books'. I was tasked with helping her pass out amended forms as she'd print them to the rest of the staff that needed each one. Usually they didn't involve any children in the yearly 'house cleaning', but this one was so last minute there was no other choice. As Ms Henrilman flung another stack of papers in the bag for incineration her master key card that opened any door in the facility fell on the floor just as she called me over waving new forms in my face to be delivered. When she handed them to me I purposefully let them fall through my fingers and they landed on top of her key card

I hurriedly picked up the papers, along with the key card, apologizing for my clumsiness and reciting her instructions as I clutched the forms to my chest and backed away meekly. I remember whispering a wish to the wind, “Please let my luck hold and let her just make another exactly like this one without telling anyone. Let her think it went to the incinerator with a bunch of papers and then she'll be too embarrassed to say anything.”

I shoved the key card into the back of my pants the moment I was around the corner from the office and made sure there wouldn't be any strange bulge or lines seen in my clothes. Then I went about my assigned tasks quietly and efficiently like any other time. When I was finally able to return to the dorms I took a slight detour into the girl's lavatory to hide my prize in my secret spot. After I was sure I was alone I climbed on top of the metal stall dividers and moved the brick I had carefully filed lose over time to reveal the small nook where I kept special items I couldn't even tell any of the other children about. Once I was sure everything was back in place and there were no signs I had climbed up on the stalls I used the facilities and went to bed.

There was not a murmur of the head of staff losing her key card, no questions, no searching. After three days without even a hint of talk I went to its hiding place and got it out so I could check that it still worked. I decided I'd use it on a door that really meant nothing, the office supply closet, so that if it didn't work I could act like I just wanted blank paper to make something and had tried to jimmy the lock. However, if it worked on any door at all I would know it would on all of them still. Also, I knew it was a door that could be opened by the same person many times in one day without suspicion.

I held my breath as I slid the card over the reader and I heard the beautiful click of the lock releasing. I quickly opened and closed the door and hid the card in my pants again, returning to the restroom and putting it back into hiding. I'd use the key card later that very night to gain entry into Ms Henrilman's office after she left and only the guards and a few orderlies were left awake.

Since I had the key card it was a simple matter of timing to sneak into the office and have the door closed before anyone was the wiser. Once inside I slid open the desk drawer and looked on its under side. There were actually two entries on a slip of paper taped to the bottom of the drawer. One was labeled “home: RETICULE” and the other said “service: MITIGATION”. Even using my child's logic I knew that the longer one would be the password for the stuff she wouldn't want people to see so that's the one I used first when I turned her computer on.

It only took me an hour to not only learn who Corthak was, but also to read a lot more than I bargained for in the process of my search.

Corthak was a Batarian slaver who captained a freighter called The Starling out in the Terminus Systems. Corthak had direct contact with Ms Henrilman and Dr Henry Meider through an extranet dating site where they spoke in code to talk about different children and situations. When the actual sale of one of us would take place they would always meet somewhere further into the nicer areas of the city instead of the slums which the orphanage was on the outskirts of for the exchange. When I dug into Ms Henrilman's personal messages, both within the facility and outside of it, I learned much more.

Ms Henrilman had many contacts outside of the orphanage in place just in case any of us ever escaped or attempted to expose the orphanage for what it truly was. All of her contacts were in the better parts of the city, which made sense I guess because why would anyone run deeper into the slums, especially a scared child. I would definitely use that information when I planned our exodus.

Then I found correspondences talking about me. Ms Henrilman and Corthak actually risked speaking directly to each other without using code in order to decide what my fate should be in their opinion.

I learned they were extremely pleased at how I had gotten the children, especially the older ones, to help each other do for ourselves. While I had only been thinking about how it would benefit us to get along and need the staff for less, it also helped the 'orphanage' because it saved them a lot of money and time. Not only that, but my actions made it so many of the older children honed usable skills like sewing, cleaning, child care, etc... which in turn let them sell those children for more. It made me sick knowing that my helping was also harming everyone as well.

I saved and/or made the orphanage over nine times their investment in me so it was easy for the staff to decided I was too dangerous to let live much longer. They knew that Amanda was by me most days helping with whatever needed done and would have fairly been called my second. Therefore, the staff unanimously decided that after Amanda was sold I would be killed and they would make it look like an accident. They were even planning on having an entire week dedicated to mourning my loss in the hopes they could maintain the things I started amongst the remaining children. Corthak warned that if I ever learned the truth about our orphanage that I could lead the children to revolt and cost them substantially even if they managed to squash the uprising.

I remember my little heart beginning to pound out of my chest as I read the back and forth communications titled “The little shepard”. I thought about all the beatings I had taken over the years with barely a tear or whimper, accepting them and their lack of real reason behind them. There were a few times I even took a beating smiling, knowing that whatever I had done was worth the beating I already knew would come. Then I started thinking about the other children and what would happen to them once I was gone.

Even before I was officially a teenager, I felt I had a duty to help and protect those around me, especially those who couldn't help or protect themselves. It was just part of me and I was determined to do what I could to save who I could. As I settled into my determination my heart slowed and I grinned as I made sure to exit all applications properly and leave things the way I had found them before turning off the computer.

I left the office with a ferocity of will like I never had before. I swore to myself that I'd make them regret not killing me years ago.


	5. Herding the Flock and the True Loss of Innocence

Autobiography of Commander Rai Shepard  
Chapter 5: Herding the Flock and the True Loss of Innocence

 

It took months to plan how I could get most of the children who would be old enough for sale within a few years out of that slave ranch dressed as an orphanage. Then it took another month to get those children up to speed. There wasn't a single second of worry if any of the children would tattle on us to any of the adults. It was us and them and we couldn't trust them to look out for us so they were not our allies.

I didn't feel like I could ask any of the older children to stay behind to help continue care of the younger ones who we'd leave behind. I had no idea what I was going to do as I made my rounds nearing the night we'd agreed to make our escape.

I walked into the common room where the younger children usually played having Amanda and three other kids in tow. Then I saw Kari, aka KeeKee, look up from the dolls she was obviously babysitting for a few of the littler girls who were using a cardboard kitchen we built for them nearby and she waved me over.

“Need something KeeKee?” I asked once I was next to her. We never yelled across a room only small children ever did.

“TJ and I have been thinking about your plan. I know you said you have a way through the doors so it's not about that. We believe your plan will work, but we were thinking that someone should stay behind to look after the little kids,” KeeKee answered as she continued pretending to rock one of the dolls to sleep. She was fifteen years old with dark skin. A tall and lanky, but strangely attractive girl with long black hair and deep brown eyes. Among the older children she proved the best at soothing the younger ones. She had a way of calming even the fussiest, teething baby with nothing more than cuddles and coos.

“I've been thinking about that myself, but if I stay they'll just kill me and I can't ask any of you to stay behind while the rest of us get away from this place. The little ones need someone here who actually cares about them, but I don't know what to do,” I admitted with a deep forlorn sigh.

“You don't have to ask anyone, Shepard. TJ and I will stay behind to help the little kids.”

I was about to protest on TJ's behalf since he wasn't there to volunteer when he came into the room and quickly made his way over to us. He was KeeKee's slightly older paternal twin brother and looked every bit of it except he was more muscular and kept his hair super short.

“Did you tell her already?” He asked KeeKee as he sauntered up to us in his usual carefree manner.

“You both realize that you'll probably be sold into slavery before we could really do anything to stop it?” I asked them both. I needed to make sure they understood what they were volunteering for.

“We know that Shepard. The way we figure it, we for sure will be sold before you can do anything and it will be worth it if we can help make sure more kids won't go through it, even if it is just from this place. We think a couple of the ten year olds have some potential to help out so we can make sure things will be better than just the staff doing things. You started something here. It's more than just how we deal with this place which you've been changing, a lot of us will carry lessons like working together and helping others for the rest of our lives. You're a pretty smart kid,you're different and you're going to get out of here and help others in the future,” KeeKee explained as she smiled with an understanding beyond her years.

“I'm not that special. I just pay attention more than some. I don't know,” I scratched at the back of my head idly and shrugged.

“No way! You've got some wicked cool ju-ju in your veins girl. I knew it the moment I saw you in the nursery. Told KeeKee you had the old blood, didn't I?” TJ grinned from ear to ear as he spoke, excited, but still quiet.

“Well technically we were only getting ready to turn four when 'gammi' died so it was more like, 'oooh KeeKee, fiery hair baby big' then you made this buzzing sound as you clenched your fists and shook your whole body while still kind of holding still. It was funny,” KeeKee said as she chuckled.

“Exactly! Gammi was the one who taught me how to tell and boy could I ever!” TJ grinned.

“So what do you want us to do now, since we'll be staying here?” KeeKee asked, changing the subject back to the things at hand.

I took a deep breath. I already knew what my response had to be. I already decided how to handle anyone staying behind on purpose.

“If you're sure then you can't be part of any further escape planning. It's not that I don't trust you guys completely, but if you really don't know then you really can't tell. I hope you aren't angry with me.”

“Hey, do what you feel is right. We've trusted you so far and you've done alright by everyone so we'll keep trusting your instincts,” KeeKee reassured me with a grin.

I knew they would be beaten for information regardless of whether they knew anything or not. That's why despite the fears and arguments of the rest of the soon salable children I made sure we'd be leaving on a night when orderly, Mr Chad Wanick, would be on duty.

'Mr Chad' was a real son-of-a-bitch in the worst ways as far as us kids were concerned. He was the designated 'punisher' any time he was on duty. He whole heartedly admitted with malicious glee that he enjoyed beating us. If it weren't for the fact the rest of the staff would freak out on him he'd beat us to death with a smile. He would tell us how he wished they'd let him beat just one of us to death every once in a while because he just knew that would keep us in line.

I couldn't let any of the other children know that I needed Mr Chad there when we made our escape because I intended to kill him. I know the others would have panicked had they known I intended to confront the crazed orderly myself. However, I knew if I escaped he'd beat anyone left behind to death. He'd be so angry it wouldn't matter if he believed they didn't know anything. To him it would be punishing me to kill any of my flock left there and he would be right.

Mr Chad hadn't made it any secret that he wished, above any other child, to kill me. He hated that I was so 'adult'. He told me every chance he could that I was 'too big for my britches' and I was 'a danger to his order'. However, it were these very facts that made it so only I could keep him busy enough for anyone to get out of there.

Over time I had managed to make myself an improvised weapon out of a stolen plastic toilet scrub brush handle that I sharpened into a spike about six inches long. Then I made a handle for it so I could hold the spike between my middle and ring fingers and punch with it. I just used rolled up paper plates, rubber bands and glue. Even as a kid I knew it wasn't the greatest weapon, but I only really needed to use it once as long as my plan worked.

It was amazing the things I had learned just by using the right keywords in my extranet searches while at school.

Finally, on a frigged day in December, shortly after my thirteenth birthday, we made our escape.

To this day I can picture the events with a frightening clarity. The night we broke free from a sure future of enslavement or death changed me forever.

It hadn't been hard for the rest of the children to make their way, a few at a time, into the dorm room that was occupied by myself, Amanda, Heather (a fair haired waifish girl of 14), and Nina (a tiny girl of 15 with pitch black short cropped hair and jade green eyes). We had gathered in the same fashion many times already. I had taught them that quiet could be our friend so we had already been in the habit of using secret hand signals to speak to each other in front of adults without them ever noticing.

Once everyone who would be leaving was gathered I assigned them a group number, either one or two so we could move as two groups. Our numbers would be easier to manage as two chunks of twelve children plus my squad of three who would be the scouts and pass directions with predetermined hand signals.

That particular occasion I chose to have Amanda and a boy of fifteen named Frankie, who happened to be a crack shot with a sling, as my second and third for my escape team.

We all had our coats on and lots of layers underneath, trying to be as prepared as we could for the conditions outside that evening. I had chosen the harsh weather on purpose. The colder the weather the fewer orderlies that were on staff to patrol the halls at night. Also, when Mr Chad was one of those orderlies, as he was that evening, he would stay in the security office near the front desk. No one dared complain about Mr Chad so he'd stay by the heater in the office switching between watching TV and the security monitors while whoever was on duty with him would be forced to patrol the halls alone.

We whispered amongst ourselves as I kept watching the clock on the wall. The orderly on patrol would be passing the dorms soon on his way to the far side of the facility.

I gave the signal for silence and watched the clock a few minutes more before opening my door slowly and poking my head out. I watched carefully as Max, the second orderly on duty for the night, disappeared around the corner toward the far end of the facility away from the front exit.

After two more minutes, to be sure he wouldn't hear our footsteps, I made my way to the hall corner closer to the main exit with Amanda and Frankie close on my heals. I gave the signal to stop as I poked my head around the corner and watched the camera at the other end of the side hallway scan away from us. Then I signaled for Frankie to step up and take it out.

Frankie was nervous so it took him two shots to smash the camera with a marble from the sling I made him for the occasion. It was alright, I had expected as much and gave him a thumbs up for reassurance before having Amanda signal group one to come to the corner once we moved, to be followed by group two once they moved.

A couple of times I actually made sure the camera would see me before we'd take it out. I was counting on Mr Chad to stay true to himself. After thirteen years of being around him, I knew he'd count on any kids who saw him to stop dead in their tracks out of fear like usual. Knowing him, it would also mean he wouldn't even attempt to come for us as long as we could keep our numbers hidden. He would just wait in the office by the entrance knowing we'd have to come that way and wouldn't bother calling for any backup from Max.

Once we were through the third door on the way to our victory I was sure my plan was succeeding. We only had two more doors till we were at the main lobby. Then we only had one left which would lead to our freedom outside.

“Amanda, I'm going to give you the key card soon as I get this door open. Mr Chad will be in the lobby waiting for us the moment we open this door. I'll get his attention and when I give the signal split group one far right and group two far left and get that exit open. Don't stop moving. I'll either be on the heels of the last kid through or I won't be coming. Get the kids to where I showed you on the map if I don't make it,” I instructed in a shaky whisper as we stood at the door to the main lobby. I had never been so nervous before then or since. I knew exactly what I needed to do and just how important it was that I get it done. I was set in my decision. I knew I was the only one who could do it. I was terrified, but I wouldn't stop.

I took a deep breath as I retrieved my improvised weapon from the back of my pants and held it so the spike was hidden from view along my forearm. Then I swiped the key card over the electronic lock on the door to the main lobby and I clicked the door barely open as I handed the key card to Amanda. I continued moving, bursting through the door and stopping about six feet into the room. In the center of the room, between us and the exit, stood Mr Chad with his arms folded across his chest and a malicious grin plastered on his lips.

The rest of the children stayed behind Amanda and mostly out of sight from Mr Chad as they waited for my signal. Then, as I knew he would, Mr Chad finally spoke to me in his usual condescending manner, “Well what are you waiting for?! Quiting on me already when you almost made it?”

I growled at him like a feral animal that had been cornered, baring my teeth and leaning forward with my fists clenched at my sides. I was careful not to move in a way that would let him see my weapon.

“So the little bitch finally shows her true self? Come on then!! Come at me!!” Mr Chad sneered at me as he held his hands out, beckoning me forward.

I quickly made the hand signal for the rest of the kids to get moving using my left hand before I began to run straight at Mr Chad while I screamed as if in a rage. I wanted him to think I had lost control.

A few paces away I leapt at him, spinning my spike into punching position as I did. He reached out, catching me in his meat hook hands around my waist and pulling me toward him to attempt what I assumed would have been a bear hug since he was already squeezing my sides painfully, making the biggest mistake of his life and realizing it too late, his eyes going wide.

It were as if everything suddenly began to move in slow motion. I swung with all my weight and already forward moving momentum aiming for his left eye. The tip of the spike entered the outer corner and slid behind his eye with a pop as it came out of its socket. Then blood sprayed all over me as the spike continued forward, slipping into Mr Chad's brain.

I can still remember every sensation. I remember watching the look in his right eye as it changed from surprise to realization and then watching as the spark of life faded from it. I remember the almost nonexistent resistance against the hard plastic spike as it slid in for the kill. I remember the smell of copper and the warm sticky feeling of the blood as it sprayed over my face and covered my hand. I remember sounds of the other children running past the two of us on both sides as if from far away. I remember the slow motion feeling of falling forward as everything went its course. Then there was the feeling of crashing as I was flung along the floor above Mr Chad's prone, dead head, my spike left behind in his eye socket.

There was no time to think about what I had just done, there was only what still needed to be done.

I got to my feet and nearly fell as I stepped on some of the blood from where I had landed. My coat was covered and I was glad it was a dark material and didn't really show it much in the darkness. Then I was moving again, right on the heels of the last kid from group two as Amanda let the door swing closed.

I ran to the head of the flock and kept running, leading us deeper into the slums. I had a map in my head and I was taking us to a place I thought we could be safe and hide.

I had lost whatever innocence I had left from just growing up in that orphanage. My first kill was up close and personal. Despite its necessity it was a life I cut short. The worst part was that it was easy and I understood just how fragile life really is.


	6. 'Joining' a Gang

Autobiography of Commander Rai Shepard  
Chapter 6: 'Joining' a Gang

 

When we escaped the orphanage it was freezing out so it was important to get to where we were going as quickly as possible. There was a reason why the staff cut back night time security to a bare minimum during such harsh weather. Most children wouldn't stand a chance out on their own in this weather and would end up turning back or dying of exposure.

We stopped less than a handful of times as we made our way through one filthy dark back alley after another. Even the main streets didn't see much traffic so late at night and even less with the weather as well. We tried as best as we could to remain unseen until we came into an area filled with the silent husks of long unused factories.

We stopped at the edge of the alley we were in, huddled together to keep warmer except I couldn't allow anyone to touch me for the sticky, dried blood my coat and part of my body was still covered in.

“This is the place I was telling you about. Anyone we find hanging around tonight should only be the homeless squatters that have set up in a few of the buildings. We will split into smaller groups and check out the factories in this district. We'll want one that is currently empty or nearly so which can protect us from the elements and we could possible fortify. As we look for a place to stay, we also need to gather anything we find that can help us stay warm, fabric sacks, old curtains, anything to cover us and wood and paper products to burn. Keep your eyes out for any clean water sources and I already have an idea to get us food tomorrow. Mainly we need protection and warmth for tonight. We'll bring everything back here as we find it and hide it behind the dumpsters over there. In a few hours we'll meet back here and decide where we should set up based on what everyone finds,” I explained as I stood shivering. Then a pile of still bailed newspapers caught my attention out of the corner of my eye.

I made the signal for 'time out' and went over to the stack, breaking the plastic band that bunched them together. Then I took one of the papers and began ripping it up and bunching it between my layers of clothing in my sleeves and pant legs especially.

“The rest of you should do like I have. I read about homeless people doing it to keep warm and I can tell you it works,” I explained to everyone as they stared at me expectantly.

Nearly all of them looked around at each other and shrugged before walking over and following my example.

Amanda was the first to speak up as she finished stuffing the wadded paper between her own layers of clothing. “Not very comfortable, but much warmer. Question for you though, Shepard. What kind of things should the place we stay have? I know you're always reading stuff on the computers at school and that's how you come up with a lot of stuff. So what's the ultimate place for us?”

“Well, the best place would be somewhere we could defend easily with few entrances into the immediate area. Strong construction, we wouldn't want to fall through any floors or anything. A way to vent smoke so we could use fire to stay warm. A place we could dedicate to bodily functions well away from other areas. Somewhere we could make really secure to place our best stuff and sleep in that we could make difficult for others to get into if they got that far inside. Umm...” I began scratching idly at my chin as I thought more about the question.

“Ok, ok, I think we get the picture. Let's find somewhere before it gets any colder so we can set up a place to sleep tonight,” Amanda said as the last one in our flock finished stuffing their clothes.

“You're right. Ok, we'll do groups of three with two groups per building. Stick together as your group. No one goes off alone. Don't take unnecessary risks that could get you hurt. Don't take anything someone else already obviously has claim too. We don't need enemies right out of the gate. Stay quiet, make note of where anyone else has set up and stay clear of other people for now. Amanda I need you to take your own group. Nina and Frankie will be with me. We'll start at the far warehouse in the industrial culdesac and move clockwise. If we all do two buildings overlapping our search with the another group to one side we can get them done quickly enough. Everyone ready?” I was anxious to find some place safe where we could get warm and rest.

“Shepard, you know after tonight a lot of us are planning on going off on our own. It's not that we don't appreciate everything you've done or have anything against your plans. I mean thanks a bunch for getting us out of there, but you know?” queried Johnny a burly boy of just 16 with sandy blond short cropped hair and wide shoulders on a tall frame.

“I know Johnny. I figured as much. Anyone who wants to leave can whenever they want. No hard feelings. All I ask is that you don't sell us out to anyone if you leave us. Is that good?” I sighed, truly wishing Johnny wasn't one of the ones who wanted to go right away. He was really strong and tall and could really help us out a lot.

“Duh?!” was his sarcastic reply.

Everyone had gotten into their own groups easily enough and we all went about our resource and information gathering rather efficiently. We were already accustomed to working together to get things done and that instance wasn't any different.

We finally settled on the warehouse which was counter-clockwise from the farthest in the culdesac. It had an elevated area of offices on sturdy steel girders that the staircase had fallen away from. The offices could only be accessed by a real monkey of a climber until we added a rope ladder to the entranceway at the end of the office's long hallway.

We had our safe place to store things and sleep which couldn't hardly be accessed once we pulled the rope ladder up. The morning after our arrival I went out on my own to find us a way to get food that didn't include digging in dumpsters. I found a few slum dives that had decent enough food and talked the owners into helping to feed my group and in return we'd come in and clean every night and come in to put away stock when it came in. The ones who agreed to my offer quickly found that the time and physical pains we saved them more than made up for the cost of the food we ate. Also we did such a good job that they actually gained more customers. That morning I went back to our shelter with two bags of various prepared foods as the restaurant owners' good faith gestures.

Over the next two months we had things set up fairly well for ourselves with burning barrels below the offices and a makeshift duct system that diverted the heat exhaust to keep the entire area warm. We set up a few non-lethal traps at different areas that would at least alert us if anyone was trying to sneak up on us. We even used the restaurants to fill jugs with fresh water. However, despite all my best efforts I was in way over my head as four of the flock came down with pneumonia and nearly died.

I guess, in a way, it was a strange twist of good luck when Grey, the leader of the Tenth Street Reds gang at that time, and five of his own 'flock' showed up at our makeshift home.

They strolled right in the main factory floor's large double doors like they owned the place and I was quickly alerted to the situation from my post looking after the sick.

“Hey, where's the one people call 'the little shepard'?!” I heard a deep man's voice bellow as I made my way down the hall toward the rope ladder.

“That would be me and it's just Shepard,” I answered his call as I poked my head out the exit to look at him before beginning to climb down.

He seemed about to say something when the rest of my flock appeared out of nowhere to gather around me protectively by the time I reached the last rung of the ladder. They were all brandishing improvised weapons and I shook my head at them and motioned for them to put their weapons away. Though our numbers had dwindled to only fifteen and there were only nine besides myself present it still must have been a weird sight.

The man who had addressed us was only about 30 years old at most. He had wide shoulders, massive arms and a large scar running down the length of his tanned outer right forearm. He looked back and forth between his friends to each side and began to chuckle as he shrugged.

“You may not know this, but you're setting up shop in my yard. I'm Grey, leader of the Tenth Street Reds in this city. Until I saw it with my own eyes I couldn't bring myself to believe the stories. I was told a ginger haired little snap of a girl, barely 13 years old, was leading all these young people, had this place set up kind of nice and had infringed on my turf accidentally. However, now that I see you, I can see the truth and I must say I'm really impressed. You and I should talk, just Shepard,” the dark haired leader said in a measured and non-threatening tone looking to his fellows before continuing, “Why don't you guys introduce yourself to her people like civilized folk do while we chat.”

I looked around at all my friends, the closest thing to family I had in my life. They were looking to me to know what to do. Honestly, I had no idea, but I'd do my best to keep everyone safe.

“It's alright everyone. Why don't you all show our new friends how we've been keeping warm while I go talk with Grey,” I nodded at the gang leader to lead the way and made the two hand signals for careful and watch.

“Come outside with me for a little bit. I have something I need you to see,” Grey said turning his back to me and walking to the main doors.

No sooner were we out of the doors, around the corner of the building hobbled Johnny. It was obvious that he had been beaten pretty badly, but would heal.

“Johnny!” I exclaimed running up to him.

“I wanted you to see him at first because I thought I'd need to scare you, but after what I've heard about you from everyone, except this crazy loyal fuck, I don't think that will be necessary or maybe even possible. He'll be alright, but he would have died to protect you. Someone loyal like that is hard to come by or he just might have died, but I can make real use of him. You'd know soon enough that Johnny is a Red and I wanted you to know he never told me a thing,” Grey shook his head, still not fully believing his own eyes.

“I'm ok really Shepard. He'll get me looked at later. Grey is smart like you, but I'd suggest not pissing him off,” Johnny chuckled and then groaned holding his side with his mangled left hand.

“Just tell me what you want from us, Grey. Please, I have people who need me,” I said looking up at the short but well built man with buzz cut hair and a scar across his left eye area which left a stark white mark against his bronzed skin.

“Smart for certain. Alright. You see kid, I have three options in front of me concerning you and your little flock. I figure any of the options can benefit me just fine so you'll need to help me decide which one I choose,” Grey chuckled to himself still a bit in awe over such a young girl leading so many others who were mostly her elders.

I took a deep breath and interrupted Grey before he could continue. I had been thinking about his options since he introduced himself.

“The way I see it, sure you have three options, but only one of them would truly give you any benefit,” I rambled out the thought and was quickly stopped by Grey's own interruption.

“Hold up, only one could benefit me? Where's your little brain at girl? You don't know the world little one!” Grey laughed at me, believing I didn't have any clue to his real world options or how they would pan out.

“Option one: You come back here and kill us all to make an example. You believe you wouldn't have casualties for our lack of firearms and that it would make people fear you more and gain you greater obedience. I believe with the relationships that we have established in the area with people that in fact you'd have a harder time with them and I could guarantee you'd have casualties, if only a few. So you really wouldn't benefit from killing us even from a purely physical cost view.  
Option two: You turn us in to the orphanage for whatever bounty they are offering. You are probably seriously considering this option as money has its own draw. However, you fail to realize that the so called 'orphanage' is actually a slave farm and each and every one of us would rather die than go back there. Therefore, you'll find no profit from turning any of us in and would most likely have extra casualties at a cost to you to try.  
Then there is option three, the only one of real benefit to you and to us: You can absorb my group into the Reds and make use of each of our talents and natural ways. You get a decent number of new recruits each of which could help you in any number of ways and make you various amounts of credits and we'd get the help we need for those of us who are sick right now. This option is the only one which doesn't include casualties on both sides.  
Does that sound about right? Or am I just some dumb little girl who doesn't understand how the world works?” My monologue was in a very matter-of-fact tone right up until the end where I couldn't help, but become a bit snarky.

“Just one thing I really think you're wrong about kid,” Grey responded as he pulled out his pistol from the back of his pants and pointed it at me, “What really makes you think any of you could kill one of my people let alone more than one? I could give a shit less if any of the 'neighborhood' got their feathers in a ruffle over killing you or not. Maybe I should do it just to show my point?”

I motioned for Johnny to keep his mouth shut and made a few more hand gestures which seemed only like nervous fidgeting to anyone outside of our group. I knew the one healthy friend I had which they hadn't seen yet had eyes on me and those inside from a perch above us. Then I simply took a deep breath and answered Grey calmly looking straight at him without fear. “If you could please go to the door and see what is going on right now with your people and mine I think you might have your answer.”

Grey's left eyebrow raised in curiosity as he strolled over to the large double doors and tugged one side open, poking his head in to find his people all pointing their guns at my people and my people apologizing with their hands in the air in surrender.

“What the hell happened in here?!” Grey hollered at his people, taking his attention off of me.

Before he could get a reply from inside I wrapped my right arm around his right side from behind and jabbed my thumb painfully into his abdomen right below his last rib and under it in an upward motion as I whispered “This happened.”

Grey spun around and wrapped his left hand around my throat as he pressed the barrel of his gun against my head. I was relaxed in his grip with my hands up in surrender as he glared at me. Then he took a few deep breaths and pushed me away, sliding his pistol into the back of his pants once more.

“How man of you would be dead if Shepard's people wanted you dead?” Grey hollered in and his people began to bicker over the fact they would all have been dead. Then Grey continued as he realized they wouldn't admit the truth, “Relax folks. Shepard was just making a point. Put your guns away. We won't be having any problems,” Grey yelled inside before shutting the door once again, not daring to take his eyes off me a second time.

“I'll admit you'd make it cost me to take you all out whether you have guns or not. I kept thinking there was no way that you managed to get over a dozen kids out of that orphanage. I couldn't let myself believe there was any way the rumors of you arriving in this industrial culdesac covered in blood could be true. Now I'm thinking that you and yours could definitely be useful to me. However, I still don't see how me helping those that are sick and weak right now would help me. Getting them back to full health could cost me more than they'd ever make or save me. I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but it could. Would you keep from being absorbed into the Reds over it if I didn't help them?” Grey talked with his hands in sweeping motions, ending with scratching idly at his goatee.

“No I wouldn't. That would be stupid. However, would it be better to have people in your gang who have a reason to feel loyal to you by saving their friends' lives or to have people in your gang with reason to resent you if you don't help their friends and any or all of them die?” I replied honestly with a shrug.

“Alright, alright Shepard. You are a clever little bitch aren't you? I understand now why the bounty for you was double everyone else's alive and the same as everyone else's dead. Ha ha ha. Johnny, give Shepard your phone and I'll get you another one tomorrow. I'll message you any time day or night and you jump to answer. In the meantime, show me the ones who need help and we'll get them and Johnny-boy over to this clinic doctor we have on the payroll.”

So that is how myself and all those left of my flock became members of the Tenth Street Reds. I know this isn't enough on the topic, but those stories are for later chapters.


End file.
